Greatest vampire-hunting President EVER!
Okay. So, here’s the good news (not that there’s any bad news): Tim Burton is not directing the film adaptation for Seth Grahame-Smith’s book. He is producing it. Thank God for that. I used to be a Tim Burton fan. I like Edward Scissorhands, Big Fish, Sleepy Hollow, and even Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But lately, ehhhhhhhhhhh not so much. I’m guessing Tim Burton has taken the overall mixed reviews for Alice in Wonderland to heart. According to IMDB, he is waiting until 2012 to drop another potential stinker on us with some film called Frankenweenie. The title itself should give you enough chills to remind you it’s from the same mind that brought us Corpse Bride and Planet of the Apes.
WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS.
Some more good news (for this writer) is that the film hasn’t been cast yet. So, let’s get to it. My picks are:
Abraham Lincoln
Jay Baruchel
I believe that Jay Baruchel (She’s Out Of My League, Knocked Up)has the face and lankiness to tackle the role. Nothing about him and his performances really suggest that he’s a terrible actor.
Runner-up: Sheldon Cooper Jim Parsons
Thomas Lincoln
Tony Shalhoub
He could pass as Jay’s father for real. Also, he has a timeless look to him. So, a story set in the 1800′s would be no problem for him.
Nancy Lincoln
Anne Hathaway
A holdover from Burton’s last casting. As you might as seen from The Devil Wears Prada and The Princess Diaries (I’ve never seen the latter, I swear!), Ms. Hathaway can look pretty homely, which is great since I doubt any woman back in that time period was very glamorous. Also, her character dies fairly young. So, age progression wouldn’t be a factor here.
Henry Sturges
Johnny Depp
It truly wouldn’t be a Tim Burton film without him. As a matter of fact, I was envisioning him the whole time in that role as I was reading the book. I’m not sure if he’s ever played a vampire but he should play this one.
Ann Rutledge
Emily Blunt
Abe’s first love interest. She gets killed but Emily has played in enough period pieces to automatically win this role.
Mary Todd
Christina Ricci
I’ve heard that Abe’s wife was pretty petite. According to that Geico commercial, she was pretty damned small. Christina Ricci is small and easy on the eyes. She’s perfect for it.
Edgar Allan Poe
Freddy Rodriguez
Admittedly, this was a very difficult pick. If anything, I figured if anyone were to play Mr. Poe, it would have to be a stretch, anyway.
William Seward
James Cromwell
He’s looks kinda like him. That’s all I pretty much have to say.
Stephen Douglas
Jack Black
Upon seeing a photo of the real Stephen Douglas, all I can think about was Jack Black. So, Jack Black, it is.
John Wilkes Booth
Jason Lee
Jason Lee playing a cold-stone killer. Who wouldn’t want to see that?
Hey, my picks could’ve been worse. I could have placed Donald Glover in the lead role.
These are good too!
If you knew anything about Tim Burton’s old films you’d know Frankenweenie was a short he made in 1984. He’s just remaking it to be an actual movie.
And keep in mind this is also coming from the same mind who brought us Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Batman and Batman Returns, Beetle Juice, and so forth.
Thanks for the comment. But, did you see the part where I mentioned IMDB? You know, the website that lists all of a person’s works in film and media? Trust me, I know about Frankenweenie. Also, I know that Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Batman, Batman Returns and Beatle Juice aren’t so great to me. That’s why, again, I’m glad Tim Burton isn’t directing this flick. But, hey, did you see Mars Attacks? Classic shit, huh?
Just because it’s not good to you doesn’t mean it isn’t to a lot of other people. Your argument in saying to keep in mind that he brought us Corpse Bride and Planet of the Apes doesn’t really work when you can bring up just as much and more of the good movies he’s done. The only way to find out if the remake of Frankenweenie is bad is to actually see it before you can judge it.
Bullshit. You know you’re pretty much arguing your personal taste against mine, right? God, I hope you know that. You know this is my blog space and I’m allowed to shit on anything I deem fit for it, right? Also, yes, you CAN make an assumption based on the previous works of a person. For example, are you really already planning to purchase a movie ticket to see the next M. Night Shyamalan film? Are you really going to tell me that you won’t have a preconceived notion on how bad his next movie will be, based on his catalog, which is mostly crap? Funny story: a few months ago, when I was in the theater watching previews and the Devil trailer came up, there was a huge, collective groan from the audience when the words “From the mind of M. Night Shyamalan” appeared on the screen. And, he wasn’t even the director! Hmm. Turns out that a lot of people do this. I don’t know about you but I’m not one to keep listening to a liar to finally get one nugget of truth. But, go ahead. Hope you enjoy Frankenweenie. Thanks for your support.
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