New Jersey has probably the worst names for cities and towns I have ever seen. In my defense, I’m not bashing the ENTIRE state, just the crazy names of the towns given to them by their founders. Wherever they are, dead and gone, they’re probably still holding their sides from the idea that an entire population would even agree to run with their ideas, let alone live and work there.
Allamuchy – Sounds like a legendary swamp creature that has the head of an alligator and an infected groin area.
Alpha – At least one Greek letter away from being a frat town.
Barnegat – What is this? A Gatlin gun installed in your barn?
Barnegat Light – The handheld version. But, only useful in a barn?
Bellmawr – I’ve heard the citizens go crazy after the clocks strikes at midnight by putting unnecessary “Ws” everywhere.
Belmar – The town is totally normal. No hysteria whatsoever.
Commercial – Home to a bunch of sellouts and where even everyday life is interrupted periodically for at least 30 seconds.
Deal – Something was agreed here. Something major, probably.
Dunellen – Portia De Rossi.
Fort Dix – Too easy.
Frelinghuysen – German-Japanese? Or, just German?
Hackensack – Sounds painful.
Ho-Ho-Kus – It’s bad enough that that’s the name. Phonetically, please. Don’t want to shame the locals.
Hoboken – Crackwhore Barbie’s boyfriend.
Hopatcong – What’s this doing out of Vietnam?
Lodi – Dodi.
Lopatcong – Another Vietnam flashback?
Lower – Oh, yeah. Right there.
Mahwah – That’s what Charlie Brown’s teacher said.
Manalapan – This sounds like a theme park that’s a mash up of manatees and Japan.
Metuchen – Visit here and feel violated.
Middlesex – Better than the beginning and end.
Moonachie – I’ve got nothing. It just sounds ridiculous.
Mullica – Business in the front, metal in the back!
Mystic Island – Where everything seems made up.
Netcong – Okay. I’m just going to say it. New Jersey loves Ho Chi Minh.
Nutley – Skeet, skeet.
Oakland – Not to be confused with Oaklyn.
Oaklyn – Not to be confused with Oakland.
Oradell – Fluoride computers!
Piscataway – When you absolutely, positively have to show the cat to stop messing with your stuff
Pohatcong – The war’s over! Damn!
Rahway – Cheer or hit the highway.
Sergeantsville – No more promotions for you, soldier.
Shamong – (Shamu dong) A mighty step above schlong.
Ship Bottom – Abandon all hope.
Sparta – Madness?
Succasunna – Blaxploitation tanning salon for jive turkeys. Can ya dig?
Tuckahoe – What a real pimp does.
Voorhees – All wrong turns lead there.
Watchung – Where it’s always time for kung fu.
Whippany – Well? Did you?
Wyckoff – Scottish masturbation.