New Jersey has probably the worst names for cities and towns I have ever seen. In my defense, I’m not bashing the ENTIRE state, just the crazy names of the towns given to them by their founders. Wherever they are, dead and gone, they’re probably still holding their sides from the idea that an entire population would even agree to run with their ideas, let alone live and work there.
Rundown!
Allamuchy – Sounds like a legendary swamp creature that has the head of an alligator and an infected groin area.
Alpha – At least one Greek letter away from being a frat town.
Barnegat – What is this? A Gatlin gun installed in your barn?
Barnegat Light – The handheld version. But, only useful in a barn?
Bellmawr – I’ve heard the citizens go crazy after the clocks strikes at midnight by putting unnecessary “Ws” everywhere.
Belmar – The town is totally normal. No hysteria whatsoever.
Commercial – Home to a bunch of sellouts and where even everyday life is interrupted periodically for at least 30 seconds.
Deal – Something was agreed here. Something major, probably.
Dunellen – Portia De Rossi.
Fort Dix – Too easy.
Frelinghuysen – German-Japanese? Or, just German?
Hackensack – Sounds painful.
Ho-Ho-Kus – It’s bad enough that that’s the name. Phonetically, please. Don’t want to shame the locals.
Hoboken – Crackwhore Barbie’s boyfriend.
Hopatcong – What’s this doing out of Vietnam?
Lodi – Dodi.
Lopatcong – Another Vietnam flashback?
Lower – Oh, yeah. Right there.
Mahwah – That’s what Charlie Brown’s teacher said.
Manalapan – This sounds like a theme park that’s a mash up of manatees and Japan.
Metuchen – Visit here and feel violated.
Middlesex – Better than the beginning and end.
Moonachie – I’ve got nothing. It just sounds ridiculous.
Mullica – Business in the front, metal in the back!
Mystic Island – Where everything seems made up.
Netcong – Okay. I’m just going to say it. New Jersey loves Ho Chi Minh.
Nutley – Skeet, skeet.
Oakland – Not to be confused with Oaklyn.
Oaklyn – Not to be confused with Oakland.
Oradell – Fluoride computers!
Piscataway – When you absolutely, positively have to show the cat to stop messing with your stuff
Pohatcong – The war’s over! Damn!
Rahway – Cheer or hit the highway.
Sergeantsville – No more promotions for you, soldier.
Shamong – (Shamu dong) A mighty step above schlong.
Ship Bottom – Abandon all hope.
Sparta – Madness?
Succasunna – Blaxploitation tanning salon for jive turkeys. Can ya dig?
Tuckahoe – What a real pimp does.
Voorhees – All wrong turns lead there.
Watchung – Where it’s always time for kung fu.
Whippany – Well? Did you?
Wyckoff – Scottish masturbation.
These are good too!
LOVE IT! Nutley is my all-time favorite town name.
I am a resident of Allamuchy, and the name was derived from a local Indian name. But we do have Shades of Death Road in the township, and people who live on it don’t think it is funny at all. Nearby towns include Hope, Independence, and Liberty.
By the way, if you want to find funny town names, go to Pennsylvania; their names beat NJ’s.
Conshohocken: Where a beachcomber goes when he needs some money.
Intercourse, PA.
Old Tappan but no New tappan. And West New York New Jersey can’t make up its mind.
OMG, how the hell did Buttzville not get on this list? Son I am disappoint
Gotta have the ‘Butt on there
I think it was another overly simplistic pick. We, here at Awesome Duck, frown on redundancy here at Awesome Duck.
Good old Buttzville…….
MMMMMMM, Hot Dog Johnny’s
I’m sorry, I have to ask, what is a Dikfer?
I think you’re saying “Lodi” wrong…
You forgot Forked River!
there’s also Hi Nella in Camden County,
Ong’s Hat in Burlington County
what, no Teaneck?
I notice a lack of the cluster that is the three Haddons- Haddonfield, Haddon Heights, and Haddon Township. To make matters worse, Haddon Township is split and has two exclaves referred to as West Collingswood Heights and West Collingswood Extension- next to the separate town of Collingswood, of course. Oh, and the main part of Township is called Westmont. Addressing college applications was a nightmare, especially since it shared a zip code with previously-mentioned Oaklyn.
Also, the oxymoron of Fairview Village in Camden City. To be fair, it probably was an appropriate name in 1730.
way to hate on the indians man….
Parsipanny!
Springfield, Spring Lake, Westwood, Maywood, Norwood, Wood-Ridge, Ridgefield, Harrison! OK, maybe they’re not so funny. Does Ringoes work?
Also, Ridgewood, Saddle Brook, Saddle River, Upper Saddle River
I always liked the fact that North Brunswick is south of New Brunswick.
Where I live, it’s not the town names but the old colonial-era street names that get me. They all include “tavern” or “bridge” plus a descriptor: old, new, burnt, crooked, straight, or some type of local wood. Then there are the “corners,” which usually include a Dutch family name with lots of y’s, cks’s, and x’s.
There’s nothing funny about any of these. I don’t live in any of these towns but it simply isn’t funny. It has nothing to do with insults or attacking New Jersey or whatever. Just not close to being humorous. The author ought to keep his day job.
Alright Killjoy. You should go to Kearny so they can beat you up for having no sense of amusement.
Moonachie means small vagina in greek
Frelinghuysen is actually Dutch.
How could you forget Manahawkin, where phlegm is king!?
Omg! What about Imlaystown where you go to get… Well you know.
Hei, admin, I find that your site does not work fine, I use IE 6.0.
Well, that’s your problem right there. Use a better web browser.
“Moonachie” in the Greek slang language means the privates of a woman.
Kinky.
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I live in Howell……not a bad place to live if you can turn down you;re hearing aid.
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