Caramel Jones isn’t for the chil’ren. Caramel Jones tells it like it is. Caramel Jones may be NSFW. Caramel Jones implores you to remember that what has been read cannot be un-read. Caramel Jones digs disclaimers. Continue Reading »
I was on Facebook Mobile all night at my job and all I saw were angry status updates about how Facebook fucked everyone’s world up again. It was only about 3 months since the last change and it wasn’t that bad, in my opinion. So, I thought, “Hey, maybe it was just a little tweak and everyone just had mini-tragedies right before logging on. Continue Reading »
Hello there, Quacks. It’s the company mascot taking time out of his interstellar travels, conquests, and get-rich schemes to shed light on the mockery the Internet has constructed out of the search of the keywords: “awesome” and “duck.” This is the first video that popped up when I typed in the keywords in YouTube’s search bar. Are you friggin’ kidding me? This “duck” (which I’m pretty sure is a goose) is doing a happy dance after having bread thrown to him on the ground. I mean, I’m not so much of a duck rights advocate here but COME ON. How are you gonna degrade yourself in front of The Man (humans) for a measly piece of grain and yeast? It’s bad enough that they confuse you with being a duck! That’s it. People are stupid and Awesome Duck will push forth to show the world that ducks everywhere need to be respected and portrayed in a more positive light. That video only shows that specism still exists! I must put an end to this NOW. But, it’ll be awhile before I build up enough courage to stop Chinatowns from hanging my people on display at their restaurant windows. Genocide, man. It’s genocide.
Sega made it to compete with Nintendo’s highly successful GameBoy. I never got one. Kinda glad I didn’t. Let some other sorry friend of mine buy it for me to use when I’m not terrorizing the neighborhood with the rest of my bike (bicycle) gang back in the day. Like I’ve mentioned before. I really don’t plan my posts ahead of time. Six is the number I randomly threw out there and I will stick with it and go from there. Continue Reading »
Caramel Jones isn’t for the chil’ren. Caramel Jones tells it like it is. Caramel Jones may be NSFW. Caramel Jones implores you to remember that what has been read cannot be un-read. Caramel Jones digs disclaimers. Continue Reading »
As evidenced by pretty much approximately 98% of my posts on this awesome site, I am a 90′s kid. And, I watched a lot of TV, growing up. I’ve already discussed my affinity for programs such as GUTS, Darkwing Duck, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I’ve even let out my true feelings about the wives on TV sitcoms I would have LOVED to be my mom’s best friends. I knew what was good, early on. Sometimes, I would get lucky and stumble upon some things I should’ve haven’t gotten ahold of. Continue Reading »
Someone asked me to explain why Clerks is one of the best comedies in modern history and has such as cult following. Thank goodness for that inquiry because I was honestly fresh out of things to write about on this blog. Just kidding. I’m just fucking lazy sometimes. So, Clerks. Kevin Smith’s first film and America’s introduction to the View Askew universe. Why is it so cool? Continue Reading »
Caramel Jones isn’t for the chil’ren. Caramel Jones tells it like it is. Caramel Jones may be NSFW. Caramel Jones implores you to remember that what has been read cannot be un-read. Caramel Jones digs disclaimers. Continue Reading »
Hello, Quacks. That’s right. I just bestowed upon our faithful readers a nickname that I just came up with on the spot while freestyling this post. Hey, it’s better than Awesome Duckers. I think. Anyway, here’s what I never understood: MEN CROSSING THEIR LEGS WHEN SITTING. My use of bold AND caps emphasizes how much shit gets real on the topic. Continue Reading »
I just don’t see how that skinny piece of metal can withstand pounding against solid blocks of ice and stay sharp enough for further use. I mean, sure, I haven’t actually held one before. But, that’s because I don’t go around stabbing people in their eyes or between their ribs. Seriously. You couldn’t just buy bags of crushed or cubed ice? What are you doing with blocks of ice, anyway? Do you like to build igloos as a hobby or something? When it comes to the action of chipping at ice, a flathead screwdriver would more than do the trick. You know, the kind that sports a sturdier neck than that metal toothpick someone years past somehow convinced people that what he was holding at the time wasn’t a murder tool but an “ice pick?” Please. That’s as ridiculous as calling that bayonet on your desk a “letter opener.” Simply put: if you own an ice pick, I’m assuming that you take extreme joy out of perforating humans.
