Being A Knicks Fan In Brooklyn

Spike Lee shit

I just wanted to buy one Knicks knitted cap. Just ONE Knicks knitted cap. But, damn. What can I do when all of the fan gear in Modell’s is black and white and my beloved Knicks stuff is relegated to a corner like some child who threw paint all of the house or something? I checked, like, 5 stores to find a Knicks knitted cap (because I forgot my hat at the house and was too lazy to turn back and go upstairs) and when I did, those poor people at FootAction had to deal with my grumpy self telling them how much I hate them all for not carrying orange and blue shoes and how much proud Brooklynite Spike Lee would NOT approve.

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I Can Update This Site When I Feel Like It!!!

Is this image creepy enough for you?  Good.  Go to sleep.

Is this image creepy enough for you? Good. Go to sleep.

 ALM here because why not?  I really don’t feel like watching any TV shows I illegally downloaded or any more websites to visit to further trash my brain. So, here I am just tapping away at this keyboard (which I need to clean. No, it’s not like that, perv) without any sense of how I’m going to do this. As you may know, this site is really the Seinfeld of comedy websites. Besides Caramel Jones, we really don’t have any plans of what we’d like to do with Awesome Duck. Maybe we did but I guess we forgot. Shit, the last time I had a solid idea going, I got bored with it. That’s right. (more…)

5 Things I’ve Learned From Watching Boardwalk Empire

boardwalk-empire-opening-credits

This guy.

 

 

 

 

1.  I still hate the intro because when you think the song is over, there are more guitar riffs.  Damn you, Scorsese.  But, damn, the visuals are just so nice.  Damn you, Scorsese.

2.  I really need a new suit.

3.  Remember, kids.  Crime pays.  Until it doesn’t.  But, even then.  It still kinda looks fun.  Yes, this is my outlet for my inner Prohibition-era gangster.

4.  Your great-grandparents were just as fucked up and sleazy as you are, today.

5.  You know what?  I could use a glass of liquor right about now…

Cutting And Serving A Pineapple

I quit.

I quit.

Okay. This fruit is already on some bullshit with its name. “Pineapple?” Sure, it looks like a pine cone but it’s too sour to be associated with an apple. Wait. Granny Smith apples are sour. Ohhohhhh. Alright, you got me on that one. I concede. But, do you ever get tired of buying sliced portions in cans and want to do it yourself? Good luck. (more…)

I Wasted Quarters!!! – G.I. Joe

COBRALALALALALALALA!!!

COBRALALALALALALALA!!!


G.I. JOE!!! ‘MURICAN HERO! G.I. JOE IS THERE!! KICKING ASS AND EXPLODING THINGS AND SHIT LIKE THAT AND MAKING UP MY OWN DAMN LYRICS CUZ I’M FREE TO DO SO CUZ I’M AMERICAN!!! FUCK YEAH!!! I’m not gonna lie to you folks, I will always resort to this segment whenever I go through some kind of writer’s block. But, dammit it all to Hell if this game isn’t fun to play. Shoot everything. Don’t worry about names. ‘MURICA. (more…)

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